I Didn't Take The Less Traveled Road
by IcamaneHatake
Summary: Pansy's inner conflicts in Deathly Hallows. Odd pairing, Neville/Pansy. Written for a contest.


"CRUCIO!"

The word left my mouth with a smile, probably an evil, twisted one.

All I could see was Longbottom writhing on the ground from my curse, silently screaming. I released the spell and he panted heavily, but he still wouldn't say anything to Professor Carrow. I could still feel the energy it had taken to do the Unforgivable Curse coursing through my arm. It felt wonderfully strange, but…Longbottom? Why? Of course, he was a rebel and a Gryffindor, but he was a pureblood, just like me. Did that make him different? Apparently so.

"Tell me now, Longbottom," said Professor Carrow slimily, kneeling down to Longbottom's ear. "How are you communicating?" But Longbottom was silent save for his breathing. After a few moments, Carrow snapped, "Pansy. Again."

I took in a deep breath and said, "Crucio."

It wasn't as strong this time, but I can't blame myself. I was feeling really drained. At least, that was my excuse. "Gah, idiot girl, this is how you do it! CRUCIO!" Professor Carrow yelled, and he sent Longbottom into another screaming, pain-filled torture. It hurt my ears, and I adverted my eyes to the floor. This was pointless; Longbottom wasn't going to give up his friends.

_That's what makes him weak,_ I told myself.

_But you admire it,_ another voice in my head said, that tiny part of my brain that had some compassion for this blood-traitor.

_Shut up,_ I snapped at it.

When it finally stopped, I looked up again. Longbottom looked strained. "Now, I asked you how you were communicating!" Professor Carrow was screaming by now. There was a vein starting to poke out on his forehead, and his face was turning red. Longbottom let out a sardonic chuckle. _Cheeky little git,_ I snorted.

"You're…never going to…find out," Longbottom breathed out, sounding satisfied. "No matter…how much you…torture me…I'm not telling you…" Professor Carrow flicked his wand and there was a bloody gash on Longbottom's face, oozing the red elixir of life. _I always did have a thing for poetry,_ I thought, smirking.

"Take him to the dungeons, I'll deal with him later," Professor Carrow wheezed. He stormed off to his office, infuriated at Longbottom's stubbornness.

"Get up," I ordered, prodding Longbottom with my wand. He obeyed silently, and I followed him out of the Dark Arts room, both his wand and mine in my hands.

A few corridors away from the classroom, I said, "You know, if you weren't so cheeky, you'd probably have been spared that?" _What the bloody hell am I saying?_ I asked myself, frustrated. _This isn't me._

_Yes it is, Pansy,_ replied my tiny voice. _This is the good in you. You care for him._

_No I bloody don't,_ I practically screamed at it. Who was I kidding?

"Why do you say that?" Longbottom asked, nonchalant. Merlin, this boy had guts.

"Because you know…you're a pureblood, they'd probably like you," I stated, trying to be cold about it. No way would I let Longbottom in on that stupid little voice and part of me that wanted to help him.

"Honestly Pansy, you really think so?" he asked, eyebrows raised. "Why are you even talking to me? Shouldn't you be leading me down to the dungeons?" Without even realizing it, I was leading us away from the dungeons, not towards them. _It's not an accident, you're doing the right thing._

_Go drown in Basilisk venom, why don't you?_

"Look Longbottom, I'm just trying to get you out of trouble." The words fell out of my mouth before I even knew it. Longbottom cast me a confused glance. "I mean, you're a pureblood too, and…look, I'm not enjoying this any more than you are!" I yelled, trying to fix my sentimental mistake, but the damage was already done. We continued marching in silence along to the fifth floor.

_You care. You care about him a lot. You know that's why you're doing everything. You know that's why you're going to do what you're going to do in about a minute._

_I do not! The only person I'm really concerned about here is myself!_

_Obviously not._

"Here," I said, giving in. I handed Longbottom his wand. "Take it and go. I'll make something up." I shoved it in his hand.

"Why are you doing this, Pansy?" he asked, mopping up some of the blood with his robe sleeve.

"Because…because I don't know," I snapped, stomping away. The sooner I got away from him, the better.

But I heard him chuckle as I left, "Never knew there was such a thing as a good Slytherin…"

Back in my dormitory, I smacked my forehead on the mirror by my bed. It stung and my head began to ache. _Good, maybe that stupid voice will go away._

_Sorry Pansy, I'm still here. I'm a part of you._

_No you're not._

_Yes I am. I'm the part of you that exists under the façade, the part of you that longs for, well, Longbottom._

_What façade? _There wasn't one that I was aware of.

_You're playing it now. You think that just because you're a pureblood and a Slytherin, it means you're better than everyone. And you think you have to stick to loving people like you, but that's not the case. Look at Neville. He's a pureblood, but I don't see him strutting around. _My jaw was dropping in shock. How could I be saying this…to myself? _Give yourself a break. Knock down that façade. Neville could help you, and you would break free onto a new path, a better path. You could be yourself._

_Shut up voice._

_You wouldn't have to hide anymore. The people who matter would like you, you could finally be happy-_

"SHUT UP!" I screamed out loud. I hit my head on the mirror again. I'm surprised it didn't crack. My head or the mirror, in that case.

"I didn't say anything, what are you yelling at me for?" asked Millicent snidely, who had just walked into the dormitory.

"Nothing, I was talking to myself," I said, throwing myself down on my bed. Arguing, more like.

_Pansy…you'll regret it for the rest of your life._

That was the last comment from the voice before I was asleep.

But I couldn't go down that road.

Because I was scared.

I was scared that no one would accept me, and that I would be left alone…forever.

So I,

I didn't take the road less traveled by.

And that has made all the difference.

* * *

**Title and the few ending lines credit goes to the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost, the only poem in the world I can understand.**

**Characters belong to JKR, everything else to me.**

**Hope you liked it, Pansy's kinda schitzo, but that's alright, it was fun XD And this turned out NOT to be on crack, because the pairng just...worked :D**

**Anyways, comments? Yeah, I know I should be working on other things...but hey, contests keep it fresh for me!**

**~Icamane**


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